A middle aged coupled came out to ride. The wife saddled up next to me and spoke softly "I will need a special horse Mr. Adkins for I have never ridden". To which I responded "No problem Lady I have a horse that has never been ridden. The two of you can learn together".
A pastor was looking for a 'religious horse' for his upcoming Sunday-school picnic. After much searching he found a supposedly gentle mare that responded to the words 'Thank-you God' as a gidiup and she stopped at the word Amen. He immediately bought the horse and the following Sunday he presented the horse at the after-service picnic. Everyone was so excited but insisted the pastor got the first ride. So he jumped on and said, 'Thank-you God' and the horse took off towards the cliff at a full gallop. The pastor started yelling 'whoa' 'stop, whoa'. The horse just kept going as fast as she could. At the very last second he remembered and yelled, 'AMEN'. The mare skidded to a stop just mere inches from certain death. Sweat pouring down his face the pastor wiped his brow and looking skyward said, "Thank-you God"!
Joe needed to board his horse for a couple of months while he went on the road, so he went to see Farmer Jones. Jones said "I charge $50 a week, and I keep the manure". Joe said that was too much money, so Jones suggested he try Farmer Smith. Smith said "I charge $40 a week, and I keep the manure". Joe said that was still too much, so Smith told him to check with Farmer Brown down the road. Joe went to see Farmer Brown, who said he would keep him for $5 a week. Joe was understandably pleased with this price, so, he offered, "I suppose you will want to keep the manure". "Feller", drawled Farmer Brown, "At $5 a week, there ain't gonna be none".
Murphy's Horse Laws
There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
Horses you hate cannot be sold and will out live you.
Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.
If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.
Your barn will fall down without baling twine.
Hoof picks always run away from home.
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.
If you are winning, quit there is only one way to go. Down!
EXCUSES PEOPLE USE WHY NOT TO WORK THEIR HORSES
I lost my Whip!
My horse is bad during a full moon!
I'm getting too old for everyday riding!
The wind is blowing too hard, my horse may spook!
It's too dry out, my horse's skin may rash!
My trainer isn't here to tell me what to do!
I can't get my boots on!
It's too hot out!
My horse doesn't like arenas!
I haven't had a lesson this week!
The sun is too bright, it may bleach my horse's coat!
My horse isn't in a good mood!
I forgot to bring carrots today!
My horse needs new shoes!
It might rain!
My horse just got new shoes!
It's too cold!
There are too many people watching!
I haven't ridden all week!
No body else is riding today!
It's too close to feeding time.
Riding may wear me out, I have to go to the gym later!